Teaching Independence

Childhood is the time to learn how to be independent and provide for ourselves. We learn independence in incremental steps. Each step builds upon others until we (hopefully) can demonstrate the ability to responsibly make decisions, choose actions without "negative" consequences, and demonstrate skills sufficient for employers to want to hire us. For many people that process is exactly how they move into adulthood.

But it is not the process for far too many children and adolescents who learn early that they are "failures".

They "can't" read, "can't" understand higher mathematics required for graduation, "can't" write well enough to pass proficiency tests.

They learned the "can't" attitude in early elementary school when they needed extra supports (adults or peers) for them to do their daily work, parents to help them do their homework, someone to remind them to turn in their work or bring the correct book or paper home. At home they need someone to help them do their chores or remind them to do their chores under adult supervision.
Adults at home and school reinforce that the child "can't" when the child needs another way or time for the instruction to happen. This chronic dependence upon adults creates a state of learned helplessness. The individual learns he needs someone else to do for him. Adolescents who have been passed along all through elementary and middle school give up easily when they fail courses for credit in high school and then drop out. As young adults, many give up trying to learn skills because community colleges or technical schools are too expensive, too far from home, too difficult, too..
. whatever the excuse happens to be. They have failed to learn that they are responsible for themselves and everything in their lives.
These are the individuals who file for governmental assistance programs in order to live.

Well-intentioned social workers continue the enabling process by getting them through the systems' requirements so they can have their needs met. The result of decades of social welfare programs is a bankrupt governmental system, both federal and state.

With the current economy we cannot continue fostering dependency. Independence comes from having success in our lives.

We learn we are able to succeed and have no fears about trying anything we want to achieve.
Yes, we will have some failures when we try new things, but that is expected. We keep trying because we have learned we can succeed if we are motivated to continue trying. Adults must remember that success happens from personal effort not as a gift from others. Adults can foster independence with structured behavior management and gradually increasing task difficulty so children can build on mastered skills.
Overprotecting children from failure and the effort required to try again when they fail dooms the child to difficulties later in life.

Parental expectations are the greatest predictors of student achievement.

If parents want to help their children become responsible and independent adults, they can visit Parents Teach Kids for more information.